Maternity & Me
Well, it’s official. I have reached the final month of my pregnancy. It’s a wonder that for many women three quarters of a year is dedicated to the creation, growth, and delivery of literal life. I have always believed in miracles, but now more than ever I am convinced that every single person on this planet is a miracle personified. So much has transpired since the 21st of September, ( That Earth, Wind, and Fire song is extra special to me now) and as I approach the finish line I find myself reflecting on one word the most, growth.
The most beautiful and sometimes equally difficult thing to do in this life is grow. Growing stretches us, forces us to confront the uncomfortable, charges us to shed part of ourselves that can no longer accompany us into the next stage of our ever-evolving journey. Pregnancy will have a woman grow in every way imaginable should she allow it. I watched my belly grow to a size unimaginable for someone whose frame has never surpassed 120 pounds. The physical manifestation of growth in the form of stretch marks began to etch its way on my hips like some sort of anatomical, pregnancy road map. I witnessed my feet, uterus, hands, and thighs swell without my say in the matter. There was no conversation, no vote, no notice. My body simply new at each stage when it was time to grow and I had to trust its natural need to do so.
Simultaneously while my body decided to grow for the gold, I found myself having to grow a thicker skin too. The moment I announced I was expecting the flood gates of unsolicited advice and comments on my body opened like the Red Sea with no end in sight. “Your boobs are so big!” “Don’t put the baby in anything crazy.” “After the baby you can’t wear all those fancy things anymore. It’s not practical.” “From now on, all people will see you as is a mother and that’s ok.” “Look at your bottom!” To this day I still can’t fathom how the presence of life growing inside a woman’s body gives anyone license to say whatever they please to her, as if somehow a baby makes it perfectly acceptable to lose all sense of manners or empathy. Family, friends, even well-intended social media followers made it their mission to present their two-cents to me and more often than not the majority of these comments came from other women and hurt more than helped. Being pregnant for the very first time is such a personal, vulnerable, and unique journey. No two women will have the exact same path and each person has their own personal challenges and backstory prior to that journey. One night after having a good cry in the shower and covering my belly with oils and butters, I realized that this was going to be a journey of great mental and emotional stamina. The comments weren’t going to quit and so I made up my mind that anything anyone says is simply that, something they say and not something I have to do, agree with, or take personally.
My thicker skin lead me to my final and favorite part of growth on my pregnancy journey. My maternity shoot was important to me. I booked the shoot with the intention of creating a time capsule of sorts and received so much more. With each click of the camera, I found my body finally being celebrated for the magnificent wonder it always was and always will be. Occasionally pausing to show me a shot she especially liked, my photographer brought her camera to me and my jaw dropped. I’ve heard of this moment countless times before, the moment you look in the mirror and finally see yourself. Right there in the raw image of her lens I saw myself for the very first time. I saw my heart, my beauty, my strength, I saw…me and she was more exquisite than I ever gave her credit for. She wasn’t going to be just a mother, she was going to be a mother and so much more. I gently patted my misty eyes and worked my angles once more. I’m so grateful for growth.
To the mothers reading this who may have forgotten their God-given greatness, allow me to remind you that you are a warrior of inexplicable proportions. You have, are, and will always be a force and If a single soul never tell you so, tell yourself for it is nothing but the truth. To those reading who have yet to have a child but wish to do so in the future, know that the journey will always be no one else’s but your own. You are always in the driver’s seat, but don’t forget to enjoy the ride. To the new moms, keep going, you’ve been chosen for an amazing task and you have what it takes. Finally to everyone reading this, know that growth is always good If you welcome it with opens arms and lean into all it can offer. Time for me to go back to preparing my go bag and my heart for this beautiful baby.
